Archive for August, 2011

This Too Shall Pass

Posted: August 18, 2011 in Life so far!

Not everyday you happen to run into people you never ever wished to , and then when you do , you want to look away right before they even take a notice of you but soon you realize it hardly works, because apparently they recognise you so well even with your back facing them , that you only hope the only thing that could ever work for you was to go invisible …literally.

I happened to run into one of those lunatic bygones the other day .. the one who was off my list ever since I finished school.

Sometimes you approve of yourself so selfishly at the convenience of your own solace, that you tend to look beyond the most obvious and the simplest of things . She was the most annoying thing on the face of the earth. The only reason I ever happened to know her in the first place was because she sat right behind my desk in school and on one damned day, I asked her for a pen! I never leave my house without a pen ever since. Oh yes, I wouldn’t be exaggerating in declaring that,that cursed pen pretty much made my life a living hell.

Ideally, this woman should have never even been existent in my thoughts, however ironically, she had happened to leave quite a prolonged memory in my head that just refused to wither away.

Even until today, I would wake up sometimes in the middle of a night , just with a glimpse of her in my dreams nightmares. I must REALLY hate her.
I’m not really the kind of a person who gets stuck up on people or things too hard or for too long. I let go of things easily and believe in moving on. I mean..that’s the way to live it. . Right ? But,What went wrong here, I wonder…? What could have POSSIBLY gone wrong ?

Anyway, having said that, I’m living with this malediction everyday. I have learnt to keep up with it. Nope, have NOT forgotten, just learnt to overlook it, until this day arrives when despite my looking away in the mall, she seemed to have recognised me.

”Run Forest Run” … my thoughts exploded. Actually there were other thoughts too. . ” God, Do something – earthquake, power out , let her slip on the floor and I could just sneak out in that fraction of a second , anything ”
But God didn’t listen, or probably ignored. It’s like the almighty had destined this day . It wanted me to get this whole ghostly tryst to be done and over with. As she ran towards me, suddenly I could see it all clearly, it was definitely the destiny. An immaculate pre-planned incident ,that had, had to happen and no one could cease it. Like , even if it was a Harry Potter theatrical and I had the wand to fly away or evaporate myself .. the wand would go dysfunctional.
I was doomed.
I couldn’t believe how fast my brain was working seeing her coming towards me.
When I was done thinking of ways of getting myself to disappear or vaporise, I thought proclaiming myself an amnesic would be the way about it. I could just pretend I don’t recognise her. That , this disease had wiped off all my memories and left me clean.
Like, there was no sign coming back , no way I could ever recall who she was.  But that made me worry even more… she could then try harder to bring back my pretentious lost memory and in the process, probably end up spending more time with me than she possibly was planning to. Oh God.. this was a trap and it was not easy getting out of it .

She had almost reached towards me . Her footsteps still could not match up my heart beats though . In only a fraction of a second, she was going to have a conversation with me which would include a lot of surprising and happiness around her. But what about me, I was going to listen to a voice I had tried so hard to forget all these years. I was going to be looking at a face for real that haunted me for nights. What would I say. Should I act surprised ? Should I act casual ? Not amnesic , definitely not. I decided I will keep it short and simple. Like , ** Hey Hi, How have you been . I’m good. Thanks. Gotta rush. Bye. See ya later. Done . **
Yes.. that’s it . These were my words. I was preparing myself to face her .

“Excuse me” , she spoke. She finally did .
I looked at her, tried real hard to act surprised and said ” Hey Hiiii ”
Before I could start with my drill and get done with those 14 words I had memorised , she handed out a wallet.
She said – ” Hi, I think you forgot this at the last store you visited, Is it yours?”
I looked at the wallet , it really was mine. Then I looked into my hand bag to double check, “Yes, it is! “
She gave it to me and as it seemed like, she was waiting for a thank you.
I thought may be she was pretending this whole thing and would suddenly act all jumpy and try to hug me or something.
I played along. I said Thank you, she smiled and walked away . She was gone . Vanished in the crowd. Nowhere to be found.
OMG,what had just happened. She had forgotten me , Had she really forgotten me?
All these years I had been praying so terribly hard not to ever see another sight of her and looks like I never even existed for her anymore.
I looked for her everywhere in the crowd . May be I still hoped, she’d come back and tell me it was a joke.
I can’t believe how easily she forgot me. From feeling so irritated and provoked, suddenly I felt so insignificant, immaterial . Like I never really left an impression on her. And ironically she was all I had to whine over all my life.

If fate was anything to do with it , I had lost. Lost in my own eyes.