Archive for July, 2010

a day called life..

Posted: July 7, 2010 in Life so far!

I don’t clearly remember the time, but I could safely assume it was some 11.30 in the night. My memory seemed to have gone weak; Doctors had told I was still better off than many cases he had seen of late. Was that supposed to relieve me? Doc tells me it’s due to the anxiety and lack of concentration or it could be due to over medication.. Hell yes, you are the one who wrote me prescriptions endlessly and now you tell me I’m losing it because of excess of it. Paradoxical.
He undersigns my yet another prescription, Rx Almond milkshake.
It was a doctor’s way of telling It looks doubtful but I still hope you get fine.
I still find it difficult to understand why he wouldn’t just tell me the truth. It’s not like it wasn’t evident enough.
I don’t care if people didn’t remember their names or their anniversary dates anymore in this neurological disorder. Of what I remember, my life was such; not remembering it would be just like forgetting the smell of the first rain of delhi monsoons or how the color purple really made me feel.
I try putting myself off to sleep, its freezing cold outside. I have a blanket on me but it doesn’t help. It’s like my body was losing all the temperature from within. I was shivering.
I’m waiting for him to get off his sudoku he had been trying to solve since morning. I still wonder why he hasn’t gotten bored of it already.
It’s amusing to see and believe, he still was a charmer. With a vision of an archer , brain of a hawking, his face still had that radiant touch to it, exactly the same as he had when I saw him on the first day.
I stare out of the window and the shining stars stare me back, like they are smiling and telling me, “Yes, we have been seeing it all…”
As abrupt as it sounds, I seem to have a modest memory of long ago but it was hard to remember what I was wearing only yesterday.
I hear a knock on the door; the 5 yr old girl had learnt all the manners :) I was facing the other side, and for some reason, she knew I wasn’t going to turn around and look for her, But it seemed she sensed my approval to get in.
She walks across the bed to come to my side of it. I wonder why on earth I could never register this pretty face on my mind. As I lied on bed, I could see her pink night dress and those rabbit faced furry flip flops. Why is it that whenever she came and stood right in front of me was the only time I realized how beautiful she was. I wanted to get out of my bed and hug her. But again, as I tried thinking hard, I think, it was time she tucked me in and kissed me goodnight. In that moment, I knew it was the best thing ever and I also knew I wouldn’t remember it in the morning. I wanted to live this moment for couple of more minutes, but the sleeping pills were giving me a tough fight.
As she left the room, I felt alone in an unreasonable way, I looked at the photo frame by the bed side. The picture in it, I figured, was keeping me alive (I promise I’ll upload that pic soon :P ).

A while later, I hear him enter the room… I knew he was going to ask me if I had had my medicine or if I needed anything else, surprisingly I would still wait for him to be around before I could finally sleep. My day had come to an end now.
Only if I could, I would remember all of it and cherish it forever. Afterall, the way I had dreamt of it ,that exactly was the idea of my life. But it was in the same moment that I had also come to realize.,the harder I try to keep mustering my memories, the sooner they’d fade away.
It was probably the last lesson of my successful life (or the day, in this case)– I live it now, this very moment, as I may not remember it in the morning, but in no way, that should leave me any less content or less-sufficed.
I see him standing there, a little tired, taking a support of the chair by the bed; he looked handsome in that grey hair.
I felt blessed, gave him my unusual smile like I wanted to thank him for everything. He could read my eyes; one man who understood it all when I never said a word.
I close my eyes in peace in the hope to wake up just to see him again first thing in the morning.
Not only 2 minutes had passed, when I was abruptly woken up, I saw him watching me like he wanted to say something. I looked at him but I couldn’t make out.
I asked him, “What is it?”, and he gives me that smile, just gets out of the bed, put the lights on, looks closely at the watch with his fancy glasses and sings out loud
Happy 75th Birthday Sweety“.
May be too old to feel it, but I was flabbergasted out of excitement. He told me he’d never make me cry and here I was slipping on the tears,all the more because he wasn’t the one who’d remember the dates.
It wasn’t the 75 long years; it was the life with him in those years that made it worth.
And who knew my last lesson for the day wasn’t just about living in the moment, but it lied in the very fact that Love withers with predictability; its very essence is surprise and amazement.!!